My Blog Blag

hhhmmm…

autoreverse555 — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 13:29:29 +0000

Kung nag-iisa at nalulumbay
Dahil sa hirap mong tinataglay
Kung kailangan mo ng daramay
Tumawag ka at Siya’y nag-hihintay

Siya ang iyong kailangan
Sandigan, Kaibigan mo
Siya ang araw mong lagi
At karamay kong sawi
Siya ay si Hesus sa bawat sandali

Kung ang buhay mo ay walang sigla
Laging takot at laging alala
Tanging kay Jesus makakaasa
Kaligtasan lubos na ligaya

Siya ang dapat tanggapin at kilanlin
Sa buhay mo,
S’ya noon, bukas, ngayon
Sa dalangin mo’y tugon
Siya ay si Hesus sa habang panahon

Kaya’t ang lagi ng pakakatandaan
Siya lang ang may pag-ibig na tunay
Pag-ibig na tunay

Siya ang dapat tanggapin at kilanlin
Sa buhay mo
Siya noon, bukas, ngayon
Sa dalangin mo’y tugon
Siya ay si Hesus
Siya ay si Hesus
Siya ay si Hesus sa habang panahon

ageless

autoreverse555 — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 07:57:07 +0000

Nung ikaw ay bata… nagawa mo ba to?

*kumakain ka ba ng aratilis?

*nagpipitpit ng gumamela para gawing soapy bubbles na hihipan mo sa binilog na tanggkay ng walis tingting?

*pinipilit ka ba matulog ng nanay mo pag hapon at di ka papayagan maglaro pag di ka natulog?

*marunong ka magpatintero, saksak puso,langit- lupa, teleber-teleber, luksong tinik?

*malupit ka pag meron kang atari, family computer or snes?

*alam mo ang silbi ng up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, a, b, a, b, select, start?

*may mga damit ka na U.S.E.D., Boy London , Cross Colors, Esprit, Blowing Bubbles at pag nakakakita
ka ng Bench na damit eh naalala mo si Richard Gomez?

*addict ka sa rainbow brite, carebears, my little pony,thundercats, bioman, voltes v, mazinger z, daimos, he-man at marami pang cartoons na hindi pa translated sa tagalog?

*marunong ka mag wordstar at nakahawak ka na talaga ng 5.25 na floppy disk?

*nung high school ka inaabangan mo lagi beverly hills 90210?

*gumagam it ka ng AQUANET para pataasin ang bangs mo?

*meron kang blouse na may padding kung babae ka at meron kang sapatos na mighty kid kung lalake ka?

*nangongolekta ka ng paper stationaries at mahilig ka magpa pirma sa slumbook mo para lang malaman mo kung sino ang crush ng type mo?

*kilala mo si manang bola at ang sitsiritsit girls?e si luning-ning at luging-ging?

*idol mo si McGyver at nanonood kang Perfect Strangers?

*eto malupet… six digits lang ba ang phone number nyo dati?

*nakakatawag ka pa sa pay phone ng 3 bentesingko lang ang dala?

*cute pa si Aiza Seguerra sa Eat Bulaga at alam mo ang song na "eh kasi bata"?

*inabutan mo ba na ang Magnolia Chocolait eh nasa glass bottle pa na ginagawang lalagyan ng tubig ng
nanay mo sa ref?

*meron kang pencil case na maraming compartments
na pinagyayabang mo sa mga kaklase mo?

*noon mo pa hinahanap kung saan ang Goya Fun Factory?

*alam mo lyrics ng "tinapang bangus" at"alagang-alaga namin si puti"?

*sosyal ka pag may play-doh ka at Lego… at nag-iipon ka ng G.I. Joe action figures at iba pa ang mukha ni barbie noon?

*inabutan mo pa yung singkong korteng bulaklak at yung diyes na square?

*meron kang kabisadong kanta ni Francis M, Michael V. at Andrew E. na alam mo hanggang ngayon.. aminin?

*laging lampin ang sinasapin sa likod mo pag pinapawisan ka?

*bumibili ka ng tarzan, texas at bazooka bubble gum… tira-tira, at yung kending bilog na sinawsaw sa asukal?

*takot ka dumating ang year 1999 dahil sabi nla magugunaw daw ang mundo?

KUNG ALAM MO L AHAT DITO LAGPAS KA NA NG 25 YEARS
OLD… KAPAG HALOS LAHAT ALAM MO, NASA 23-35 KA…

WAG KA NA MAG DENY.. TUMAWA KA NA LANG…

Super

autoreverse555 — Sun, 04 Mar 2007 11:31:23 +0000

Superman and one of his superhero friends are flying around Metropolis one day, looking for trouble like they usually do. Seeing no crime, Superman makes the suggestion that the two fly down to the beach to see what is going on. His friend, being bored, happily agrees. As the two fly along the beach, they spot Wonder Woman, "spread eagle" on the beach. Superman’s friend is simply amazed by what he is seeing. Superman, seeing his friend’s astonishment and looking to impress him even further, proclaims, "I’ll bet you $10 that I can fly down there, screw her and fly back before she even realizes that I’m doing it." His friend, eyes still fixed on the naked beauty, looks at Superman and just starts laughing. "I’d like to see that…you’re on." So Superman flies down, bam-bam-bam, flies back and says, "See, I told you I could." His friend, obviously impressed, forks over the $10. Just then, Wonder Woman says, "What the hell was that!?" And the invisible man replies back, "I don’t know, but my asshole hurts like hell!"

happy birthday!

autoreverse555 — Sat, 03 Sep 2005 13:35:48 +0000

>So I fired my secretary today…because as a man, I can get to feeling a
>little sorry for myself and because yesterday was my 40th birthday and I
>wasn’t feeling too good that morning.
>
>I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy
>Birthday!", and probably have a present for me. As it turned out, she didn’t
>even say good morning, let alone any Happy Birthday.
>
>I thought, well, that’s wives for you, the children will remember. The
>children came in to breakfast and didn’t say a word.
>
>So when I left for the office. I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I
>walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss. "Happy
>Birthday".
>
>And I felt a little better that someone had remembered.
>
>I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said "You know, it’s
>such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your birthday, let’s go to lunch,
>just you and me.
>
>I said, "By George, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day.
>
>"Let’s go!" We went to lunch. We didn’t go where we normally go, instead we
>went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch
>tremendously.
>
>On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it’s such a beautiful
>day. We don’t need to go back to the office, do we?"
>
>I said, "No, I guess not."
>
>She said, "Let’s go to my apartment."
>
>After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don’t mind, I think
>I’ll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable".
>
>"Sure!" I excitedly replied.
>
>She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a
>huge birthday cake —– followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our
>friends, all singing Happy Birthday.
>
>And I just sat there —-
>
>on the couch —-
>
>……naked……
>
>–

pinoy joke

autoreverse555 — Sun, 28 Aug 2005 00:04:24 +0000

1) Anak: Mommy, ang ganda ng bracelet mo. Bigay ba ni Daddy ‘yan?
Mommy: Ay naku anak, kung sa Daddy mo lang ako aasa, baka
pati ikaw wala sa mundong ito.

2) Amo: Inday, bakit lumalaki ang tiyan mo?
Inday: CANCER ‘to Ma’am
Amo: Aba , halika na sa ospital at ipaopera natin.
Inday: Huwag po Ma’am, kay SIR naman ito eh.

3)Girl: Love, what’s your valentines gift to me?
Boy: SECRET!
Girl: How sweet naman, you want it to be a surprise.
Boy: Hin di! Secret, para sa kilikili mo!

4) Matrona: Sa palagay mo Love, ilan taon na ako?
Lover: Kung titignan sa buhok-18. Kung nakatalikod 21.
Kung titignan sa kutis-25. Bali 64 ang total.

5)Pinoy Marriage -
Man’s life cycle… 3 to 8 years old - Paramihan ng toys
9 to 18 years old - Pataasan ng grades.
19 to 25 - Padamihan ng siyota
26 to 35 - Pagandahan ng asawa.
36 to 45 - Palakihan ng income.
46 to 55 - Padamihan ng kabit.

6)Two married men talking…
1st man: Swerte ko, my wife is an angel.
2nd man: Buti ka pa, ako ang asawa ko buhay pa.

7)Theme song of married couples…
1 to 10 years - Araw-araw gabi-gabi
11 to 25 years - Saan ka man naroon
26 to 49 years - Gaano kadalas ang Minsan
50 years and up - Maalaala mo kaya

Wife: Love, mahal mo ba ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife: Enjoy ka ba sa akin?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife: Baka naman niloloko mo lang ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.

9) Ano sa Tagalog ang asawa? - "May bahay"
Ano naman ang kabit? -"May condo"

10) Doc: "Ano ang trabaho mo, iha?"
Girl: "Substitute po."
Doc: "Di kaya prostitute ?"
Girl: "Doc, Mommy ko ang prostitute. Kung hindi siya puwede, ako ang pumapalit!"

11) In an obstetricians clinic:
Doc: "Hubad na, iha. Huwag kang mag-alala… I won’t take advantage of you!"
Girl: "Saan ko po ilalagay ang panty at bra ko?"
Doc: "Diyan lang sa may tabi ng brief ko."

12) Sa seminario:
Madre: "Father, pagsabihan mo naman yung mga seminarista.
Umiihi sila sa pader!"
Father: "Sister naman. Maliit na bagay, huwag mo nang pansinin!"
Madre: "Naku, Father, malalaki po!"

13)Dalawang madre ang kinidnap ng dalawang lalaki at sila’y hinalay.
Madre #1: "Ama, patawarin mo po siya at hindi niya alam ang kanyang ginagawa."
Madre #2: "Sister, yung sa akin, marunong!"

14) At their honeymoon:
60-yr old Pastor to his young bride: "Honey, before we do it, let’s first pray for guidance."
Young bride: "Darling, just pray for endurance, I’ll take care of the guidance!"

15)At Bill Gate’s wife’s first press conference:
Reporter: "How does it feel to have sex with the world’s richest man?"
BG’s Wife: "No big deal…The world know’s why he named his company Microsoft!"

golf 1

autoreverse555 — Sun, 14 Aug 2005 13:43:51 +0000

Two guys were playing golf when the first one said, "I really need to take a crap!" The second replied, "Well there’s a tree, go behind it and do your stuff." The first guy looks over at the tree and comments, "But, I don’t have any toilet paper." Being a witty fellow, the second man remarks, "You have a dollar don’t you? Just use it to wipe yourself." Reluctantly, the first guy goes and does his stuff. Minutes later he comes back with crap all over him. The second asks, "****, what happened? Didn’t you use the dollar?" "Hell yes, but have you ever tried to wipe with three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel?"

golf 2

autoreverse555 — Thu, 04 Aug 2005 03:51:46 +0000

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

ibon

autoreverse555 — Mon, 27 Jun 2005 09:05:20 +0000

Q: What bird is with you at every meal?
A: A swallow!

Q: What happens when you cross a bird with an elephant?
A: You get lots of broken telephone wires!

Q: What kind of bird works at a construction site?
A: A crane!

Q: What’s the difference between a fly and a bird?
A: A bird can fly but a fly can’t bird!

Q: Why did the bird go to jail?
A: Because he was using fowl language!

Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?
A: Because they don’t want to be called baygulls!

Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: Because it’s too far to walk!

aso

autoreverse555 — Mon, 27 Jun 2005 09:03:28 +0000

Q: How come the dalmatian couldn’t hide?
A: Because he was already spotted

Q: How do dogs turn off the VCR?
A: By hitting the paws button

Q: What did the dog get when he graduated from school?
A: A pedigree

Q: What do you call a dog that likes honey?
A: Winnie the Pooch!

Q: What do you call a sick dog?
A: A Germy Shepherd

Q: What do you get when you cross a dog with a phone?
A: A golden receiver!

Q: What do you get when you cross a mean dog and a computer?
A: You get a mega-bite

Q: What dog always knows the time?
A: A watch dog!

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite dog?
A: A blood-hound!

Q: What markets do dogs avoid?
A: Flea markets!

Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: Right where you left it!

Q: Where do you put a barking dog?
A: In a barking lot!

Q: Why did the dog go to the corner when the doorbell rang?
A: It was a Boxer dog!

Q: Why was the dog jealous of the tree?
A: Because it had a better bark!

kanino

autoreverse555 — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 10:28:05 +0000

Ikaw na ang may sabi

Na ako’y mahal mo rin

At sinabi mong

Ang pag-ibig mo’y ‘di magbabago

Ngunit bakit sa tuwing ako’y lumalapit ika’y lumalayo

Puso’y laging nasasaktan pag may kasama kang iba

‘Di ba nila alam

Tayo’y nagsumpaan

Na ako’y sa iyo

Ika’y akin lamang

Kahit anong mangyari

Pag-ibig ko’y sa ‘yo pa rin

Kahit ano pa

Ang sabihin nila’y ikaw pa rin

Ang mahal

Maghihintay ako kahit kailan

Kahit na

Umabot pang ako’y nasa langit na

At kung ‘di ka makita

Makikiusap ka’y Bathala

Na ika’y hanapin

At sabihin

Ipaalala sa iyo

Ang nakalimutang sumpaan

Na ako’y sa iyo

At ika’y akin lamang

Oh…..

Umasa ka

Maghihintay ako kahit kailan

Kahit na

Umabot pang ako’y nasa langit na

At kung ‘di ka makita

Makikiusap kay Bathala

Na ika’y hanapin at sabihin

Ipaalala sa iyo

Ang nakalimutang sumpaan

Na ako’y sa iyo

At ika’y akin lamang